somehow late night talks with my brother and afternoons at mom and dad's have made me miss being in that small house in the white birch forest in Alaska. There are problems everywhere, but my memories of that place were cancer free and full of togetherness. I had dreams of starry nights and kisses under the full moon. Dreams of my dad walking me down the aisle of a beautiful flower covered forest wedding and handing me over to a man who always kisses me goodnight. In my memory, tiny fairies fluttered through those tall birch trees and the sun beams pushed through their tops to bring light to the paths my brother and I explored. Life was happy and free and careless laughter tickled our tongues. At night, the constellations came down to touch us and the aurora Borealis danced over them as if to celebrate their existence.
Now, nights are blurry and sleepless. Mornings are blunt and greeted with resistance. Cancer is a reality and the topic of so many conversations. Kisses are partnered with doubt and fears of being wasted. My brother is too far away to join me in my adventures and phone calls are steeped in reality and sadness. Numbness has replaced laughter and rain seems to have replaced the sun. A forest wedding with fairies floating around me is forgotten.
still......I have hope that, in Alaska, deep in a white birch forest, fairies continue to play.
